Use the Secret to Influence Others to Great Success

Risk
Tom Marcoux says, “Rise up. Build great relationships for success and happiness.”

“It’s my business partner who is causing all of the trouble,” Cynthia, an audience member, said—seeking my guidance after one of my speeches. “She is the one who needs to change.”

Just about every individual I’ve met has someone in their lives who is “causing trouble” and “who needs to change.”

“To create sustainable innovations … connect with one another first, before trying to solve a problem.” – Michael J. Gelb

As the Spoken Word Strategist and Executive Coach, I focus on helping people communicate so well that they create healthy and productive connections.

We cannot wait for others to change … when often they have no incentive to change.

A Secret: To create better in your life, you must lead yourself.

In my speech about “The RoiLeader,” I emphasize that one must relate well. ROI refers to “return on investment.” Our best investments are in our own skills and in the person we’re talking to.

I break down R.O.I as Relate, Optimize and Intuit.

Here, we’ll talk about Relate.

How do you relate to yourself? Do you listen to your own feelings? Or do you stuff them down and ignore them?

Your ability to relate to others begins with your ability to know the truth in yourself and to be supportive of your own health and happiness. From a solid starting point, we then seek to effectively influence others.

Psychiatrist and Professor Robert J. Waldinger of Harvard Medical School notes the results of an on-going 77 year-long study of happiness: “The good life is built with good relationships.”  

I’m going to briefly introduce elements of excellent leadership and relating. We often appreciate those leaders who are C.A.L.M. in the face of adversity.

C – call on intuition
A – agree
L – listen
M – measure

 

  1. Call on intuition

Many top leaders mention how they use “gut feelings” to make critical decisions.

 “Often you have to rely on intuition.” – Bill Gates

 “Intuition becomes increasingly valuable in the new information society precisely because there is so much data.” – John Naisbitt

 “The only real valuable thing is intuition.” – Albert Einstein

When it comes to relating well, we must pay close attention. When you listen to the person’s vocal tone, the pacing of their speech, and their words, you’re getting closer to understanding what they want. Add in observations of the body language and actions. The person might say, “I’m okay” – but your intuition may be warning you that something is going on beneath the surface communication.

Researcher and author Gerd Gigerenzer identifies intuition as connected with data that has not risen to the conscious level. He notes situations in which a person had a “bad feeling” but could not give a persuasive, rational argument. Then the company went ahead into what became a business disaster, and the person’s “bad feeling” proved an accurate assessment.

Be sure to pay close attention to the other person, and make sure to listen to your own intuitive impressions.

How can you make space so you can listen to your own intuition?

 

  1. Agree

“Agreements are courageous and creative. They honor the other person. They are coauthored between two composers of the agreement. People give their word and keep it. People honor agreements to a far greater degree than they live up to expectations.” – Steve Chandler

Years ago, I learned that the leader does well to make sure that the team member makes a  real commitment. I have asked, “Do you agree that you have all that you need to get the 1-2-3 Project done by 4 pm on Thursday?”

The person might come back with “Wait a minute. I can’t agree to that because I won’t get Part B from Gerald in time.” This is vital information.

I’ve also learned to ask for further confirmation—because some people are too optimistic in their time projections.

Make sure that you make things work so you get the reply of “I agree” from the other person.

How will you implement agreements in your work life?

 

  1. Listen

Listening is the beginning of leadership. You need to know the person you’re leading. He or she needs to know that they’ve been heard. (This is so important to me that I wrote a book, Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life.) I’ve emphasized with clients and graduate students: When you’re listening, you’re winning.

 Many of us are quick to judge another person’s comment—so fast it seems like a reflex. Learn to pause, take a breath, ask a gentle question and listen some more. Then, provide a Reflective Reply, which sounds like: “That sounds like it was disappointing.” You reflect the person’s feelings.

How will you slow down and listen more to people?

 

  1. Measure

Team members count on the leader to demonstrate the team’s current status. Are we making progress?

“People wouldn’t go bowling if they couldn’t see the pins drop.” – Zig Ziglar

Make measurements as clear and simple as possible.

My phrase is: Keep Score and Achieve More.

The team leader helps everyone get clear on what’s necessary for vital progress. Leaders also help the team members celebrate incremental progress. This is crucial since much of what we do involves a “long haul.”

How will you emphasize simple and clear measurements?


In summary, when you want to improve your leadership skills (as a team leader—or even as a leader of your own life), focus on:

C – call on intuition
A – agree
L – listen
M – measure

Warmly,
Tom

Tom Marcoux
Spoken Word Strategist
Executive Coach

CEO
Speaker-author of 44 books

GetTheBigYES.com


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