Stop Giving Your Power Away!

Powerful InstaMaxPro techniques in Tom Marcoux's book "Year of Awesome!"

Powerful InstaMaxPro techniques in Tom Marcoux’s book “Year of Awesome!”

“That’s it. I can’t do it. I give up,” my friend, Sarah, said.

After an extended conversation, I shared with her, “You’re telling yourself a story—a story that’s hurting you. It’s a ‘death story.’ Here’s what will help you: a ‘life story.’”

In essence, Sarah was letting the life drain out of her eyes. Why? She was caught up in fear. That was taking away her personal power.

What do people give their power away to? I’ve come up with an acrostic:

D – disappointment (fear)
E – expectations
A – avoidance of pain
D – dread of loss of approval

If the above contributes to our giving our power away, what’s on the other side of this equation? What is our power? Choice. You might not choose your first thought that arises. But the question is: What will you choose for your Second Thought?

Choosing your Empowered Second Thought is how you hold onto your power.

For my client, Sandy, the first thought is: “I don’t have enough clients.”

Here’s an Empowering Second Thought: “I’m reaching out to qualified prospects every day.”

This leads to Empowering Questions including:

  • How can I qualify prospects?
  • Where can I find qualified prospects?

Now we’ll face and overcome that which drains life from us:

  1. Disappointment (fear)

Why do we fear disappointment so much? Because it hurts. It rocks our sense of who we are and what we think our life is. What can we do with such fear? Quiet it down enough to keep moving forward.

As I write about (“Instantly get better; Maximize your life.”) – I’m interested in how we can make a quick shift in our thinking and in our actions. First, “call out” any self-sabotage behavior connected to fear of disappointment. Tell yourself: “I’m strong enough to handle disappointment.”

Some people function under a subconscious-mind banner of “If I do nothing, then I won’t be disappointed in my lack of talent and skill.” We learn by doing. Disappointment will arrive even if we do nothing. I recall Tony Robbins’ comment: “Life isn’t boring; you are boring.”

Do NOT let this form of disappointment creep up on you. Take effective action.

Now it’s your turn. How will you acknowledge the possibility for disappointment and still move forward?

  1. Expectations

Do you expect people to always treat you fairly? Do you always get appropriate treatment? There’s a better plan: Be ready to calmly and effectively work with people to get better outcomes. I saw this recently in a restaurant. One woman received a terminally tough piece of steak. She calmly and pleasantly asked for salmon to replace that “piece of leather.” The restaurant manager was calm and pleasant in return and offered a free dessert and a discount on her meal.

We lose energy to expecting people to be better than they are. Author Eckhart Tolle pointed out that true freedom includes the element of “non-attachment.” Non-attachment is about holding to preferences and not making everything a demand. If a family member does not jump to do a task, see if you can step forward with calm and gratitude for what does work in your life.

There’s something better than “expectations”—Effort-Goals and Result-Goals. You separate your goals into Effort-Goals (like making five marketing calls) and Result-Goals (gaining two new clients this week). You can be proud of yourself for your own efforts.

Now it’s your turn. How will you release yourself from “the tyranny of expectations”? How will you set up Effort-Goals so you are proud of your own actions?

  1. Avoidance of pain

It’s natural to seek to avoid pain. The truth is: Pain is coming so choose what’s most important to you. Pain of disappointment is coming. Pain of loss is coming. Still, you can avoid a lot of pain of regret that you failed to take action!

A number of people lose energy to focusing on avoiding pain. Instead, focus on getting stronger.

Now it’s your turn. What can you do to get stronger? How will you ensure that you have enough sleep and exercise–and good nutrition? What will you drop from your life that no longer empowers you?

  1. Dread of loss of approval

Here’s one of my favorite quotes:

“30% of the people will love you. 30% will hate you. 30% couldn’t care less.” – Gabrielle Reece

This means, no matter what you do, 60% of people you encounter are NOT with you. So do NOT let fear of loss of approval run your life. You could do everything right, and still there are people who will misunderstand you and your good intentions.

Instead, you choose what means most to you and you take action to support your own values. In that direction, you’ll experience joy and personal fulfillment.

Now it’s your turn. How will you go forward from this moment forward focused on what’s best for you, regardless of the negative remarks from family or friends?

*  *  *  *  *  *

In summary, many of us lose energy to concerns over the “D.E.A.D.” elements of:

D – disappointment (fear)
E – expectations
A – avoidance of pain
D – dread of loss of approval

I’ve learned to assess the situation by asking: “Does this strengthen me?”

Certain elderly relatives are so negative and even abusive so I reduce my exposure to them.

Do you need to make tough decisions so you STOP giving your power away?

Instead, identify what strengthens you. Take action to have more of that in your life.

In this way you apply the InstaMaxPro Difference. (“Instantly get better; Maximize your life.”)



Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 40 books (with free chapters on )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )

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