“What do you actually know to be true, Tom?” my friend, Carl, asked.

“Life is a series of chapters, and often we’re kicked into a new chapter when we don’t want it,” I replied. For example, I shared with audiences (and sometimes a class of MBA students) that I didn’t know what grief was until my friend, “Joe” committed suicide. There was a chapter of my life when he was in it. And then the next chapter, he was not in my life.

How you handle the times life kicks you into a new chapter has a great impact on your success and happiness.

We’ll use the W.I.N. process:

W- wrangle your transition
I – identify
N – nurture

1. Wrangle your transition

When life kicks you into a new chapter due to a divorce, or shakeup at work, or the loss of a friend or family member, you’ll need to adapt as fast as possible.

In order to adapt, you’ll need to have flexibility. I have emphasized with MBA students and my clients, that it’s vital to maintain your personal strength and flexibility.

So, “wrangle” your schedule so you keep yourself strong. When you’re in a “red alert” time, it is easy to drop things that seem non-essential like exercise, sleep, nutrition and, for the introvert, “alone-time.”

Keep yourself strong. Think of how you can be kind to yourself and to others who are involved in whatever life transition is taking place.

I’ve been asked: “What do you need in a business partner or life partner?” My answer is: Find someone who is flexible and kind. By the way, make sure you are flexible and kind, too.

2. Identify

You will save yourself a lot of time and grief if you identify what you most value.

Ask yourself:

• What’s most important to me about nurturing my family members?
• What’s most important to me about my business activities?
• What’s most important to me about making space for joy and for happy moments daily—in my life?

One the most powerful questions I’ve ever written, which helps my clients, is: “Does this strengthen me?” Ask yourself this question to help you identify what is actually building you up and what (or who) is trying to tear you down.

Take appropriate action and make sure that you stay strong.

3. Nurture

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Some time ago, I appeared as a guest expert on a TV show with Dr. Fred Luskin, co-founder of the Stanford Forgiveness Project. I remember that Dr. Fred said, “Forgiveness is letting go of a cycle of blame and suffering.”

What I get from this quote is that it’s important for each of us to be careful in how we use our brain. Consider if something bad happens … we’ll use a metaphor of a twig on a river. If you pick up the twig and shove it close to your eyes—no wonder you cannot see anything else.

It can be helpful to take that twig away from your face and toss it back on the river so the twig (or your thought about the twig) can flow away.

No matter what you do for your work activities or even your efforts to exercise or gain good nutrition, this is all designed to help you stay strong. Forgiveness is not about pardoning someone. You can forgive (that is, avoid obsessing about their bad behavior) and still avoid that person. Remember, forgiveness is letting go of a cycle of blame and suffering.

I identify myself as an OptiRealist. A couple of decades ago, I was more focused on just emphasizing the positive. In the course of owning companies and dealing with life’s calamities, I realize that being realistic about the necessity to stay strong is appropriate. Much of our days require us to stay strong so we can withstand the storms of life.

The storms of life are coming—or perhaps you’re currently in the middle of a storm. I’m optimistic that we can take action and expand our capacity.

If you do some weight training, you could expand the capacity of your muscles to hold your good posture. For example, every day I do some core strengthening exercises and that helps me avoid back pain. In essence, I nurture my back.

We can apply this pattern to many parts of your life. Do you want to avoid the pain of the end of relationship? Then see if you could spend some quality time with someone you love, at regular times every week.

If you want to rise in your profession, see if you can study and/or get executive coaching, so you can expand your capacity and your abilities as a professional. [Gain insights, methods and rehearsal in Tom Marcoux’s online course The Introvert’s Formula to Get Clients – next session June 11, 2018. CLICK HERE]

In summary, we all face surprising transitions and when life shoves us into a new chapter of life. The solution is to use the W.I.N process. Be sure to nurture yourself.

Use this question Does this strengthen me? If you discover that something is hurting your well-being, find ways to get coached and to change your behavior patterns. Then you can bring out the best inside you. When you do this, you can transform the surprise calamities into steps for your personal growth.

Remember: Life kicks you into a new chapter—often—when you don’t want it. Keep yourself strong, flexible and kind.

Warmly,
Tom

Tom Marcoux
Spoken Word Strategist – Executive Coach
Speaker-Author, 45 books so far 🙂
CEO

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Soar with Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed

Get the Advantages to take your business to a higher level. Learn Leadership Advantages, Pitch Advantages, and Success Advantages. To Soar with Confidence, you learn and use principles for top level communication to board members, team members and the media.
“Marcoux demonstrates how to “Prepare a Compelling Story that Moves Emotions.” He mentions techniques that he teaches clients for developing compelling Ted Talks.” – Dantalion Jones

Darkest Secrets of Making a PITCH for Film and Television: How You Can Get a Studio Executive, Producer, Name Actor or Private Investor to Say “Yes” to Your Project

Learn the vital skills of pitching your ideas and enrolling others into your vision. Get that “Big Yes” to funding your project. “This insightful book shows you how to zing a curveball right past the parts of the Hollywood exec’s brain that want to say no before you even make your pitch. You will learn what works when pitching, and more importantly, why, so you can get to YES much more often. Buy this book now. Consider it Spring Training before the big game.” – Danek Kaus

Darkest Secrets of Persuasion and Seduction Masters: How to Protect Yourself and Turn the Power to Good

This invaluable guide, used by people in 15 countries and now in its second edition, will help you become immune to dark persuasion. Learn to use countermeasures to defend yourself against unethical persuasion and seduction tactics. Break any trance in which a salesperson is trying to get you to buy something not to your benefit. “Learn how to defend yourself against manipulation. Best book you’ll ever read to protect yourself, feel strong and move forward in your life. Highly recommended!” – Dr. JoAnn Dahlkoetter

Secrets of Awesome Dinner Guests: What Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King, Jr., Helen Keller, and John Lasseter Can Teach You About Success … (The Power of Your Personal Brand)

Imagine dining with Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King, Jr., Helen Keller, and John Lasseter. These seven people share one thing: They’re great communicators. So this book will help you become a great communicator. “Marcoux especially stresses the importance of personal branding, of coming across as trustworthy and dependable.” – Einar Masson

What the Rich Don’t Say about Getting Rich: Work Smarter, Live Better

You want wealth, abundance and enjoyment–yes? Wouldn’t it be great to learn the real strategies that the Rich use to create Sustainable Wealth? This book takes you behind-the-scenes to what really works. You’ll see a lot of myth-busting, and you’ll learn the strategies that get real results. “Tom Marcoux gives you an inside look on the psychology of what it takes to be successfully wealthy in life. It’s more than just taking advantage of opportunity, but also about taking care of yourself. This book discusses a number of strategies that we often overlook when it comes to leading a successful life that leads to wealth generation.” – Barry Adamson II

Amazing You: Enjoy the Power to Get It Done, Get Stronger, Get Credit for It … featuring Secrets of Extreme Confidence

Would you like to Amaze yourself? This book helps you Get Stronger so you can Get It Done! You’ll learn how you can Get Credit for It! All three elements are crucial so you rise to a higher level of success and happiness. Think about it. If you get it done, but you’re a physical wreck—you lose. If you get things done, but you don’t Get Credit for It—you cannot get new clients. And, you’ll lose your current clients—if they don’t know, in their gut, how their lives are better because you’ve brought them significant benefits. Here’s a secret: You can unleash the Amazing You! Executive Coach Tom Marcoux helps you develop Extreme Confidence. “Tom Marcoux, once again, has written a book filled with practical insights and veteran business expertise that allows individuals to acquire the tools to balance personal and professional life. Tom’s wisdom possesses depth and the experience of someone who has ‘walked the walk.'” – Dr. Arthur Ciaramicoli

Darkest Secrets of Charisma: Overcome the Lies about Personal Magnetism, Get People to Feel Your Charisma and Influence Others with Your Words

Learn how you can tap into your natural gifts and tendencies to radiate Three Types of Charisma. Discover how to influence people with your words. “Marcoux explodes this myth: Charismatic people always feel comfortable before and during an important event, such as public speaking, networking or some other social event. This book shows how you can feel discomfort but still come across as confident and charismatic.The secrets include ways to radiate all three forms of charisma Marcoux describes as Warm Trust Charisma, Natural Charm Charisma and Magnetic Charisma.” – Danek Kaus

Shape the Future, Lead Like a Pro: 3 Skills Every Great Leader Needs to Succeed

This book will empower you with the 3 Skills every Great Leader needs to succeed: Relate, Optimize and Intuit. Learn to excel as a RoiLeader. The Bottom-line: You need an “unfair advantage” of top communication skills. Use Expansive Thinking to handle Disruption and get out ahead of it. “Shape the Future, Lead Like a Pro empowers you with essential leadership skills. Integrity is the foundation of Authentic Leadership. This book helps you lead and retain people who appreciate true leadership and who will excel for your organization.” – Christopher Salem, Host of Sustainable Success Radio Show